a little sparrow

A few weeks ago on Saturday, I found a sparrow caught in a glue trap that my dad had left out in the yard. We had mice, you see. He caught one mouse and was trying to get a second one, had no luck, and moved the glue trap out to the yard and left it there for whatever reason (my guess is the pack rat syndrome, as usual). At first I thought the sparrow was dead, but at second glance it was alive though not struggling. Its tail feathers had come off, and the bottom half of its body and both wings were covered in glue.

I went inside and asked my dad to get it off the trap. He did and then put the sparrow, glue and all, in an old bird's nest from some years ago that was still sitting in our yard (what did I say about pack rats?). I told him, "it can't fly if we don't wash off the glue!" And he said, "you can't wash it off. Just give it some water and feed it." And what, until it dies of shock?

I tried to see if I can wipe off the glue with a cloth and some water. No luck. I went online to look up what to do with a bird caught in a glue trap (thank God for the Internet) -- they said you can get the bird out by applying cooking oil to the glue, but other than that, you can't do much besides taking it to an animal shelter.

I had some internal resistance to this -- Chinese culture is not very animal-friendly, and my family taught me that you don't waste resources on animals and don't go out of your way to help them. My first reaction was that it was too much trouble to take it to the Humane Society, which was a 15-minute drive (and Animal Control wasn't picking up the phone on Saturdays). But I couldn't just leave it and wait for it to die, so I made a decision and found some cloth to carry the sparrow with.

I picked up the sparrow with the cloth and held it in my hand. He was this little warm body trembling in my hand, and his vulnerability made me stop in awe. I loved him at that moment and knew I was doing the right thing. As I got in the car and drove, I thought, if I can care this much for a sparrow, what about the birds and cows and pigs who die for my food? How can I eat meat again without feeling like a hypocrite?

Well, shit.

commuting acrobatics

Today I tried out a different route from Pasadena to Santa Monica by taking the 134 to the 101 to 405 south. It took about an hour and 20 minutes, including the extra time I took (saved?) after having missed the on-ramp from hell to the 405. It was a one-lane on-ramp that goes from one jammed freeway to another - I drove by and was kind of glad to have missed it. I'll have to remember to take the previous exit next time and get back on the 405 from Sepulveda. If I can make this kind of time in the middle of the week (Mondays have lighter traffic), I'll be taking this route instead of the 10. Taking the 10 from Pasadena to Santa Monica (110 south to 5 south to 10 west) takes me an hour and 45 minutes.

I hate LA traffic.

Oh by the way, I've "moved" to Pasadena and will be staying there for the next 3 months, courtesy of my aunt who is traveling through Asia.

i miss being called a douchebag

...That's one of the nicknames Rocky used to call me. Only he could turn an insult into a term of endearment.

Some of his other nicknames for me:

Douche or DB (short for douchebag)
Baby Panda
Panda Express
Jackie Chan

He cracks me up.

i hate this town

This weekend, I was going to move into my aunt's apartment in Pasadena while she's out traveling. She told me I was going to need a parking permit to park my car on the street, since her car will stay in her spot at the complex. I said, OK, not a problem. So I look up on how to get a parking permit, and this is what I come across:

1. I can't get an annual permit because my car is not registered to my aunt's apartment, and I'm not going to change the address on it since I'd only be there for a few months.

2. In order to get a monthly permit, I have to not only bring in my car registration, but also my aunt's and her roomate's.

3. I have to take time off work to put in the application because their office doesn't open on weekends.

4. Because my car is registered to my father and not to me, I have to get a letter from him saying that his daughter is authorized to drive his car.

5. After I bring in my application with all the paperwork, the Department of Transportation will investigate me to make sure there's no paid parking available in my complex or within 600 feet of the apartment, or that I'm not using my garage for storage or some shit like that.

6. And then I have to go to their office again the next month to renew the temporary permit.

This is enough to make my hair fall out. I think I'll try and move my aunt's car to my grandma's house so I can use her space.

my napkin collection

I was cleaning out my closet and found a binder full of theme park/logo'd napkins I used to collect. There were piles of this stuff with a lot of duplicates. I was throwing them out and decided to take a picture out of nostalgia. They're now stuffed in the side pockets of my car, to be used at my leisure.

too close to home

My brother, of all people, turned me on to the awesomeness of Avenue Q's soundtrack. This song in particular hits far too close to home.

What do you do with a B.A. in English?
What is my life going to be?
Four years of college and plenty of knowledge
Have earned me this useless degree.

I can't pay the bills yet,
'Cause I have no skills yet.
The world is a big scary place.

But somehow I can't shake
The feeling I might make
A difference to the human race.

- Avenue Q - "What Do You Do with a B.A. in English?"

I'm not (that) bitter though. Knowing me, I would never have believed it during college.

P.S. I just found out Avenue Q is on tour in LA right now. I am so there.

san diego vacation pictures

These are some highlights from my family reunion in August in San Diego. We rented an oceanfront house in Coronado, with a view of downtown San Diego.

Gorgeous, ain't it?

It has a cute yard that goes down to the water. This photo shows part of the house, the grayish 1-story building in the front. The white Spanish-looking house is the next door neighbor's. Our house is the oldest on the block and looks like it hasn't changed since it was built in the 40's (the inside too).

We left some dog poop in the bushes.

I took this one from the owner's picasa album. It shows the full yard better.

I love this half indoor, half outdoor fountain/aquarium (also owner's photo). When I have my own house, I am totally installing one of these (but with a better design). It was sadly empty when we were there, and we didn't want to fill it up and make someone clean it since we were only there a few days.

This one below is a picture (owner's) of the living room. It's spacious and we spent a lot of time sitting around here and just chatting.

My immediate family, with our 11-year-old Bichon named Jolly and my brother's new kitten named Tassadar (after a character from StarCraft).

My brother and I are standing on opposite sides because the kitty and the dog don't get along.

And here we have the whole family portrait.

downtown san diego at night

A preview from our family reunion in August. More later.

tesco is coming

I heard on the radio this morning that the British supermarket chain Tesco is opening stores in Southern California. Yay!!! Please please sell me some British food! Hey, if they did it in Taiwan, they can do it here.

some channeling on expectations

For the past year or so, I've been studying the teachings of a disembodied entity named Michael, a name assigned to a group of 1050 souls on the Causal plane. One of the Michael channels recently posted this wonderful piece about expectations in response to a question. Since I wrote a short post about assumptions vs. expectations a couple months ago, I thought this was appropriate. My comments are below the quotation.

Michael as channeled by Troy Trolley

Question: Could you suggest exercises or information that would aid with the ability to let go of expectation(s)?

[Michael Entity] Yes: to allow yourself the freedom of expectations. This is the only means you have for learning to navigate your expectations. To "let go" of expectation is about as useful as giving up your legs; yes, it can be done, but mobility is not enhanced by doing so.

Embracing your expectations is to embrace your inner map. However, the expectations that are often felt to be so compelling are simply not the truth of that inner map. To allow the embrace of those expectations can often then reveal the truth of this, and allow for more appropriate desires to lead the way.

Expectation is neutral. Your ability to use the tool of expectation is a spectrum. There is a negative form of expectation and a positive form. To expect that the sun will rise can be seen to be quite natural. To expect a loved one to conform to your ideals is quite another end of the spectrum. In this case, it could then be said that TRUST is the positive pole of Expectation and DEMAND is the negative pole. To demand that the sun rise as you will it in the middle of the night is as fruitless as forcing upon another your ideals. To trust that your loved one can find his or her own path of expression and truth despite your ideals is as beautiful an expectation as one that allows the sun to rise on its own.

If there is pain involved in your experience of expectation, it is quite likely that it is in the realm of DEMANDS. In this case, one must do the work of exploring WHY one would have such demands and then allow room for a shift of attention. In most cases of DEMAND, or painful expectation, one is in a self-karmic cycle of punishment, either upon the self or upon another. There is a perpetual investment in the Demand until there is vindication. To understand that this is a cycle of punishment will often allow room for the true inner map to be found and a new peaceful navigation to be found.

Click here for the full channeling.

Expectation is a word with a lot of negative connotations in new age teachings, and frankly Michael's answer "allow yourself the freedom of expectations" is surprising but makes total sense. We put a lot of expectations on ourselves and others, and then expect ourselves to let go of those expectations. The suggestion I really appreciate from this channeling -- if we find ourselves in the negative pole of Demand, we don't need to try and remove Expectation altogether. Just move toward Trust.

Actually, now that I think about it, Trust feels a lot like "letting go" in practice -- in order to trust you have to let go of your demands on someone or something. In a way this is just semantics, different ways of explaining the energies of love and fear, expansion and contraction. But as humans we sometimes get stuck on the language, and different explanations do reveal a broader picture.