the stomach cannot contain what the eyes can see

There's something that Chinese people (or at least my mom) say when someone (usually a child) craves to eat something when they're not really hungry, which goes, "your eyes are hungry" (implying that your stomach is not). Or, when you order something you can't finish eating, they say, "your eyes are too big."

I mention this because that's what I'm feeling now that I can eat "normally" again. Today I had 3 donuts (my boss brought them to work), vegetable soup for lunch, and some trail mix in the afternoon, and I'm still bloated. It's hard to stop eating when I'm full, so out of habit I end up eating the portions (I'm mostly thinking of the donuts and my dinner at El Pollo Loco last night) I normally eat, and then get really really full. Then I regret it right after because I want to keep my current weight. Time to break some habits, I suppose.

pictures: rain on the lake

This was taken from my India houseboat trip. In the mid-afternoon it suddenly started pouring, as it is wont to do in south India. The crew covered up the windows in the sitting area with tarp when it poured hard, and this was shot after the rain dwindled a bit. I love the rain and the sense of raw elements during a downpour.

This poor guy was caught in the rain, though I imagine he's used to it since it rains almost daily there that time of year.

eating again

I reached my goal of fasting for ten days! YAAAAAY! It was really my only resolution for the new year (other than my ongoing resolution of finding a new job). I didn't feel like I lost much weight, but actually I lost 7 lbs. I'm at 137 now and I think I haven't been there in years. Energy-wise I don't really feel any different before, during, or after the fast. But admittedly I'm not all that sensitive to these things. The day after fasting, I was supposed to drink only orange juice, and move on to juice and vegetable soup the second day. But since I was allowed to eat again, I just couldn't hold back. I had some walnuts the first day (chewed really fine), and a visitor to our office gave me a box of macadamia nut chocolates, of which I ate four or five throughout the day. Also had a bag of Lay's potato chips and Trader Joe's fresh orange juice for lunch. So healthy!!! Had some vegetable soup (which I made the night before) for dinner, and I guess I ate too fast or something because it gave me a stomach ache and diarrhea. Yes, the vegetable soup did it but not all the junk I ate during the day (which I only nibbled on).

The first couple of days my tastebuds were really sensitive. The macadamia nut chocolates were sweet and just heavenly. The nuts were covered in crisp toffee and then in a thick layer of milk chocolate, and I could taste all the different flavors and textures. The walnuts, which were in the shell, were delicious and so flavorful I wonder why I even eat the shelled stuff. I got a bag of raw trail mix from Trader Joe's because I had it before and thought it was good, but when I had the trail mix walnuts side by side with the unshelled walnuts, the unshelled stuff tasted better by far. The potato chips were okay. They tasted more salty than before and stung my tongue a little for some reason, and that "potato chip" smell was strong and not quite pleasant. The vegetable soup was just vegetable soup until it gave me a stomach ache. At which time it became Unwisely Consumed Vegetable Soup.

Anyway, it's now the third day after the end of fasting, and I am still eating light and in small portions, though everything is still quite a treat. I intend to eat healthier from now -- not that I was eating unhealthy compared to most Americans, but I was eating out too much, which means too much meat and not enought vegetables. I'm going to try eating mostly vegetarian on weekdays and see how that works.

fasting again, day 7

If you read my blog early last year, I attempted the Master Cleanse (or lemonade diet) fast last February. And lasted all of two days. I was going to do it again a couple months later and just never got around to it (another reason being that we were out of lemons on our tree at home, which meant that I'd have to buy thick-skinned lemons with less juice from the store). I had been thinking about doing the fast again in November since our tree was full of lemons again (read: free and organic), but what with my India trip, Thanksgiving, and Christmas/New Year's coming up I decided to wait 'til after New Year's.

Honestly I wasn't as excited about it this time as last year, but I know I want to detox and it was a good time to do it, so I did. I warned Rocky 2-3 weeks ago that I wanted to start fasting again, since he wanted to do it with me. I went to his place last Friday, when we were supposed to start together, and on the way there he said that he had an idea that will keep us from going off the fast early. I was like, okay, we'll see. When I arrived, he told me that he had already been fasting since the previous Monday, so we wouldn't both be craving food at the same time. Aww, he is so sweet that way.

I started fasting Friday night (we went to see the Indian film Guru) and did fairly okay on Saturday, even when I went to see a showing of Tan Dun's The First Emperor broadcast live from the Met (more on that in another post) and had to smell popcorn at the theater. I had cravings on Saturday night and Sunday and could not even look at food ads or hear people talk about food. I learned from last time to change my focus when something comes up that provokes my cravings, so that it doesn't snowball from a small thought to an irresistable craving. I also played Zelda on the Wii during most of my free time, which is excellent for keeping my mind occupied.

By the time the weekend was over, I knew I was over the big hurdle because the regular schedule of the weekdays will keep me occupied enough to sail through the fast. By Tuesday, to my surprise, the cravings were mostly gone (as other people said it would be). I could look or smell food and look forward to having it when my fast is done, but I didn't need to eat it right this minute. I'm even planning a big pancake breakfast for the two of us next weekend. I also started my period Tuesday afternoon and had no cramps, only a little bit of discomfort in the evening and that was it. I will probably sail through this weekend and start breaking the fast on Tuesday if my body shows signs that it's done detoxing.

Some thoughts during the fast:

I realized that I hardly ever really appreciate the smell of food. If I smell something good, I want to follow it to the source, or I picture/imagine the food that produced the smell. It's always a lead-in to something else, a means to an end. But then we went to Walmart on Saturday, and they had a kettle corn stand outside. You could smell the damn thing from the other end of the parking lot. Since I couldn't eat and had to smell, I allowed myself to simply breathe in the aroma -- and to my surprise, found it satisfying in its own sake.